blah blah, homeschool

This in response to a mom of an 8 year old who can read very well, but is whiny and "lazy" and uncooperative in homeschool:

Just some thoughts... I've been at this since 1989, still have kids in homeschool, and have learned a few things the hard way.

Okay--lazy is a very negative word. We all are lazy to some extent or in certain areas...get that word out of the picture. It's totally counterproductive. With a sixth grade reading level, he doesn't need much else--a little math (six problems is our standard until about age 12.) Just let go of it. Things that are "too hard" probably are actually "no fun." If he can read, what more does he need to do at this point? It's good enough.

He does NOT need to be studying grammar or spelling--those are not the basics--that's a school system idea, has nothing to do with actual human children.

The basics are being able to read, be beginning to learn simple multiplication at age 8, be experimenting with writing when he's interested, art when he's in the mood, reading about science and scientists, explorers, animals, planets--whatever sounds interesting to him... renting videos...playing soccer in the back yard... just going about the business of being EIGHT.

I understand you say you "fear skipping the essentials" but you are operating with a mainstream-school idea of what's essential when a guy is eight years old. Get back to the frame of mind of an 8 year old boy if you can. Is grammar essential for him? Heck no. He can talk. Later on he'll apply the sentence structure of his speech rhythms into his writing.

When he's about 13 or 14--in a few weeks by use of a standard workbook, you can teach him all the grammar that matters. He'll either be a good speller or a poor one, but I can't tell which is which until they're about 12 or so... they're all kind of bad until then, but who cares? As the good spellers emerge at 12-13, then it makes sense to do a little spelling--teach a few rules, memorize some common words for the ones who still misspell everything. Good spellers don't need this.

We used to have whining too. Then I quit bugging the kids about school and it went away.

In the peace, I got busy with my own should-dos: I went back to school, got my degree, started a business, sew beautiful baby blankets, refinish furniture, write.... They do a little work, but it doesn't matter when. And if they hate it--forget it. This is OUR homeschool. Nobody ought to be hating anything.

My oldest kids are adults. (I’m well into my 40s.) They went to public school at grade 9, went to the top of the class... had success at the university too.... Both are engineers, one with an MBA, the other his PE.

The baby is beautiful, but see how my son's eyes scrunch up into half circles when he smiles? I love them both so much.

They're both married to really nice women, have cute old houses, funny dogs, play softball in the summer. They each have children, including the baby who is here sleeping next to me right now.

The third child graduated the university and is working in underwriting at an insurance company. The fourth one studied in Scotland last winter and is finishing her economics degree. The fifth one is a senior at the public high school, honor student, the sixth is a freshman at the same school, also doing well.

Though it’s fun to tell of their success, the whole point of it is to tell you this: Everything is okay. It’s okay to go with the flow, to let six year olds be six, and ten year olds be ten...

Somehow--I'm not sure how---homeschool totally works, even laid back ones that seem to meander.

Amazingly, squirrels grow into really lovely adults.

There are still a few squirrels around our homeschool. They farm on Facebook and play Zoo Tycoon. They cook, and build legos, play with the dogs, and don’t get dressed until I am yelling at 2pm, “GET ON CLOTHES.” We do a little math, and they were reading about the planet Mercury earlier, did some worksheets on insects, and a cross word puzzle about Grover Cleveland. (That made me laugh.) Lydia baked a lemon cake and put cream cheese frosting on it.

It's safe for you to relax and do what your child feels like. Make sandwiches together, pack a lunch and go to the park or museum for the day. Just hang out. Hit some garage sales. Go bowling. Lie in bed all afternoon reading library books. Listen to the Beatles in the car…Or Elvis, or Louis Armstrong, Taylor Swift, whatever you want.

Rake leaves and cover the garden for the winter. It sounds crazy, I know, not like the essentials or basics. But being together and living life *is* the basics. It is the essence of the entire endeavor of raising a kid.

You can trust the natural need to grow that exists within all of us, give him room, and he'll let you know sooner or later what he wants. love, Val