this is not cool

oh yeah, this gorgeous guy. he eats pancakes now, plain. the kids were concerned he had no syrup. noooo. no syrup, or we'd still be wiping things.

Okay, I don't do movie reviews. I don't actually like movies that much.

Well, that's not true. I like romantic comedies...and adventures with good endings.

For example, I loved The Incredibles. I liked E.T. and Valley Girl. And Wedding Crashers and Tootsie... Moonstruck. The Long Trailer. Roman Holiday is my all time favorite.

Tonight we went to Little Jay and Maria's band concert. Kirsten came over to help James babysit. She rented movies...all good, right?

The second movie was, "Where the Wild Things Are." She put it in, watched the first bit, and then left for volleyball.

We came home to a HOUSE FULL OF SOBBING CHILDREN.

This is the note I sent to some friends:

"Kirsten rented Where the Wild Things Are for the kids, and now James, Kari, and Julia, and Tim are all bawling their eyes out and nobody can explain anything.

What the hell happens in this movie? love, Val"

They're either all in bed or equally mystified.

I sent this later:

"They calmed down after a while. James said he couldn't explain it and keep his composure, but Kari was able to.

Apparently in the Wild Things Land, there is a creature who believes Max really is a king. (He's not.) They love each other, and the guy feels especially betrayed and goes crazy. Max eventually has to leave and return to his real life and leave this guy behind. He's able to fix nothing.

I have never seen them cry this hard. Julia was all blotchy. James was sobbing, all six feet of him across my bed. Kari and Tim were crying... and no explanation other than that it was SO SAD.

Tim actually bolted from the movie first, but that's not surprising, given his track record with movies. When anything gets intense, he bolts. He was wiping his eyes and said it was too sad and they all were crying. I do that too. Real life is emotional enough. I can't go there pretending. I understand.

Dan has said he can't watch Simon Birch. My friend, Ginny agrees. I've never seen it, and don't intend to. And John was really disturbed by something called Gilbert Grape. Not gonna watch that one neither.

Kirsten says she's really, really sorry. She had no idea. I would never question Kirsten's judgment, of all people... I think they should stick with the Simpsons. love, Val"

Okay, and while James sobbed on my bed, Little Jay patted his back and kissed his hair, not sure what Jimmy was even crying about. That about made me cry.

NEVER WATCH THIS MOVIE.

That's my review.

You make my kids cry???

No.

here's a long, skinny foot i could kick someone with. terrible movie.

Julia was trying to explain it, her lip trembling. She stayed home from preschool sick today, even though it was her HALF BIRTHDAY.

We tried to go, had 24 Amazingly Beautiful Princess Cupcakes in the trunk, but she couldn't even function. I told her to stay by b.g. in his carseat while I found my keys and when I came back, she was lying on the floor next to him, among the shoes in the entryway.

In the car, I realized I couldn't see her in the rear view mirror because she was lying down, fastened in her booster, but sprawled across on her blanky.

I called the school and told them. The director said to freeze the cupcakes and worry not. We'll do the half birthday next week.

She hasn't been sick since Christmas. Why today?

And then this horrible movie that made them all cry their eyes out. GAWD. Good night. love, Val