Tuesday, October 12, 2010

tonight, the heidi

She was here, hanging out tonight.

We laughed about a lot of things including how I vacuumed my toe while cleaning last week.

Oh my GAWD that hurt--Oh, oh, the hopping and the hollering. It's bruised, but after about half an hour it quit hurting so much. I was grateful there were no witnesses to that stupidity.

I was moving a chair and there was door in the way, and I get tired of turning the vacuum on and off. You know how tiresome THAT gets.

Yeah, well.

Then my toe was pounded by that little thing that spins. Oh, only unrepeatable words suffice.

And a while ago Heidi gave me some old shoes of hers that made my feet very hot the other night. (They've made my feet miserable other times too, but I didn't put 2+2 together until now.) I told her I was about to have core melt down and was considering rash things like being barefoot at work.

The pain was truly difficult, and I needed to concentrate, but actually felt faint and had to go sit behind a desk to finish what I was doing. What the hell is wrong those shoes? I mean, I know I'm overly sensitive to any kind of hotness regarding the feet, but good grief.

She said they're "pleather." This is some kind of crap like wrapping the feet in layers of cellophane. They're going in the trash--right straight in the garbage--the shoes not the feet.

Yes, they are.

And today Kari and I went shopping with Julia. Kari needed jeans and Julia was just along for whatever reason people need a squirrely six year old along for. She was so bad at the store, it was actually a bit embarrassing.

I scolded at her, telling her how nervous she was making me. I know she's in Mommy Deprivation this week, but honestly. It was like she'd never been in a store before. Finally at Hallmark, I was trying to write a check, and she was flinking around by the Deptmart 56 stuff, and I had the thought, "I can't write this check while I'm trying to watch my kid..." and then abruptly thought, "The KID is SIX DAMNED YEARS OLD."

I called to her, "Come over here and stand perfectly still. You're making me very, very nervous." The lady stared at me. Was she not feeling nervous with a long-armed child dancing around the breakables?

Apparently not. Someone else, I can't remember who, wrote that when you're shopping people always sympathize with a cute kid rather than a harassed-looking adult.

Oh yeah, she's right. I'm guilty too.

Tonight Heidi took a long look at Tim and Julia running in and out both back doors, pleading for our aunt's best flashlight to take outside, and changing their shoes because they kept getting dog crap on them, and said, "They've been like this the whole day??"


She yelled to just wear one pair of shoes and leave them outside on the steps. Don't change into every pair of shoes you OWN and run around in the dark trampling dog shit.

See, she's smart like that.

Okay, and then Heidi laid this one on us:

We were talking about Brett Farve and the appalling sexting thing and so forth. It's so...I don't even know. Incomprehensible? I don't care about Brett Farve or his love life, but people got all sorts of crazy lives I don't have

Maria was laughing about the whole idea of the pictures sent by the phone and how would anyone know if that was, in fact, a picture of him or not? The conversation deteriorated, and then Heidi said this, "You know, they've taught the kids all the dangers of sexting, but CLEARLY, they've overlooked informing the elderly."

Oh wow. I had to stop here to hold my chest and enjoy another attack of laughter. The fact that Heidi thinks Brett Farve is elderly just cracks me up.

Brett, Brett, Brett. I don't even follow football or have anything to say.

I guess a miner is out of that mine in Chile. Another beam of goodness on today. love, Val


  1. omg...I laughed so hard reading this...but your poor toe..and the kids with dogshit on their shoes.....ROFL! I love you! xoxo Love R

  2. Yeah, well, we love you too. -V